hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
