he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
