they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
