her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
