I love black thongs
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
