That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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