the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
