he thought i was a dude.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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