I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
this is an emotional support booty call
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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