screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
