My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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