Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
