dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize