he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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