Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
