After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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