I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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