I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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