Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
