we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
