weddingsv make me drug and hornr
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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