Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
