I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
