So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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