Moan for me like Helen Keller
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
