I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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