well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Idk if I want to put a bra on
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
