is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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