i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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