Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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