the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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