he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't deserve a penis
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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