Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
