I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
