There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
