Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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