all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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