Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
