just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
