everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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