I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
