So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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