Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
