Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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