I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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