Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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