So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize