I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize