we have pet lesbian snakes
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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