I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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