i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
