Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
