You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
