Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize