I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
