My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize