He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
