I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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