Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
it glows. i had to have it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
