i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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