Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
